Time to Make a Change….
Sunday 28th January 2007
It has all the making of a gloomy Sunday. At eleven am, the sky is a dull grayish color, I am sitting for my first meal of the day, the weighing scale gave out a terrible squeak when I stepped on it just now and a cold tiff is brewing between Himself and me. To top it off, I am on call for hospital duty. Well, maybe the last one is blessing in disguise. Work is good. Work is a panacea for all ills.
Himself left early this morning for his weekend classes without a goodbye, prolonging the silence for another five to six hours. Not for him the screaming and yelling to vent his anger and resentment. He just retreats into silence, to mull and regurgitate. Later he would come to me with his conclusions and an apology whenever one is warranted. I, on the other hand would want to discuss it there and then, all my anger and frustrations. Spewing forth all my anxiety and agitation. Of course, later I would cool down and feel stupid and almost always have to apologized for screaming. So I learned to live with the impassiveness of the moment. After almost three years of marriage, I learned to regroup and rethink.
But I digress….
After Himself left, I was too wired to go back to bed and have a sleep in although I had stayed up late last night to write that posting for Rad. So, I spent the morning unproductively blog hoping. Something I have not done in a long time. In a way, it was therapeutic, I must say. There are others out there with more than a sullen Sunday and a marital tiff to contend with.
Hunger got the better of me at around eleven. I showered and primped hurriedly before driving to the nearest McD. I could feel myself cheering up at the sight of the Double arches. I parked the car and was contemplating the menu…would it be double fillet-o-fish or Big Mac or Double Cheese Burger ..when I saw my reflection on the glass door of the restaurant. This is what I saw – an overweight makcik with baggy pants, baggy blouse, a hurriedly thrown on tudung and a pair of comfortable slippers. With no trace of lipstick or powder on. What have I done to myself? Why did I let myself go like this?
(photo from post secret)
I walked in and asked for coffee instead of the double fillet which I loved so much. I went to a corner seat and sipped my black, sugarless coffee and looked around me. It was time for brunch. I watched young couples walked in with their toddlers and infants in strollers. Most of them were freshly showered, with their hair wet and clinging to the back of their shirts. I could smell baby talcum when they walked past me. It was Sunday, the day for sleeping in. Old couples entered with their grandchildren, resplendent in jubbahs and baju melayu and kain pelikat. My theory is that they had just finished after-suboh-Sunday classes at the nearby mosque. Young ladies sat close to their boyfriends, looking lithe and low-maintenance in figure hugging leggings or track suit. Upstairs a birthday party was coming to and end. The shrieks and laughters drifted downstairs followed by the children running noisily down. Their parents followed a little while later. Mostly in jeans and t-shirt. Casually dressed but showing off their glowing health. Mothers were tall, slim and energetic.
As I lift up the Styrofoam cup, my elbow hit the soft fleshy love handle inside. Darn! People watching is definitely a better option than facing the issue at hand. Envy gnawed at me, inferiority complex kicked in. That was when I decided, enough is enough, and it was time for a change!
~Hope~ once u choose it, anything is possible! - Christopher Reeves
I’ve found a new gym nearby which offers aerobic, yoga and dance class. I’m close to register myself there. Aku pun dah rasa tak seronok la rasa love handles nih.
Chaiyoo babe, dun lose hope. Jom kita mulakan plan baru ni sama2.
Comment by Cik Lari — January 31, 2007 @ 10:17 pm